Jesus was last night arrested and put in the clink after being caught masturbating
his penis to orgasm in an elavator at the prestigious Ritz hotel.

It is not known whether Jesus was staying at the hotel at the time, or if he was simply
passing by and decided to whack one off. The Ritz was cordoned off for 3 hours while
police and forensic scientists investigated the Turin Sock that Jesus ejaculated into.

Jesus was released on police bail this afternoon pending a full investigation into the
matter, it is not known at this time if the state will press charges.

Church representatives speculate that the third cumming of Christ will happen at 2:36pm
on the 23rd September 2046 at Toys R Us, aisle 3, just behind the teddy bears.

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