- Hitler grows moustache to hide cock on top lip.
- Bugs Bunny identified as JFK killer.
- Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon blockbuster scientifically proven to cause bowel blindness.
- Fire linked to death of 5 burns victims.
- Cancer cure found on seat scrapings from No.22 bus to Hertfordshire.
- Bloated elephant carcass ruptures to reveal 11th plant of solar system.
- Jesus resurrected to play banjo on new Wurzles album.